A mom with a laptop and a cell phone. She's so mentally checked out of her marriage that she needs two constant electronic distractions at all times. She spends most of the family's discretionary income on tight skirts, champagne brunches and cellular data plans, so all of Dad's beer and steaks (and her car stickers) go on credit cards. In fact, they just made the payment on their SUV using a payday loan with a 750% interest rate. She is desperate to be the cool mom who is hip to technology. Case in point: she recently signed up for facebook (using a photo from 14 years ago), twitter (she doesn't understand the character limit so she keeps posting incomplete rants about aisle changes at the grocery store), foursquare (she just earned mayorship at the nail salon), pinterest (she recently started a pinboard of all the Valentine's Day crafts she wants to make) and instagram ("Did I drink this whole bottle of wine?! Whoopsie!"), and yesterday she started sending nude photos to random numbers via snapchat. (Also, she is wearing Minnie Mouse shoes, but I couldn't find a way to weave that into her story, so you readers can just do what you want to with that observation.)
Two daughters, both wearing outfits of questionable appropriateness. One in a midriff-baring tanktop and the other in a dress hardly covering her ass. Dad doesn't want either of them to leave the house like that, but knows he will lose the battle when Mom starts screaming things at him about tampons and not understanding teenage trends. So he drowns himself in more beer and steaks, rather than have one more fight. Mom spends 93% of her day on the internet in one form or another, both girls spend every night shut in their rooms texting on their iPhones, and Dad wishes he could afford something better than Bud Light.
It's the American dream..................right?
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