A Family And An Overshare

We all have a friend who is overshares.  The one who gives a few too many details about everything and who tells unsolicited, deeply personal stories about their life.  I'd say this sticker family is the equivalent to that friend.

I am truly sorry that these people had four miscarriages; I'm sure that was difficult and they were understandably upset.  However...I'm not sure it was necessary to put four dead cloud babies on the back of their car, floating above the heads of both parents and all twelve living children. I feel comfortable saying that that goes beyond creepy and borders on seriously inappropriate.

I guess we can all count it as a win that the four cloud babies aren't labeled with names so as not to haunt our dreams worse than they already will be.

PS: Is anyone else seeing that they have a kid named Vron?

A Family That's Cooler Than You

I bet Mom just instagram-ed an artsy photo of her vegan lunch while Dad tweeted the details of their afternoon hike from their matching iPhones. I bet they're all wearing Toms and authentically worn-in jeans.  I bet the youngest one is composing a symphony on the virtual keyboard of their iPad's piano app while riding in the back seat. I bet the older sibling is posting some deep junior high truths (probably in the form of song lyrics) on Facebook from his WiFi-enabled iPod.  I bet their day was so much more "epic" than yours. I bet Justin Long hangs out at their house in his Converse sneakers with his hands in his pockets, spewing random facts about why Macs are better than PCs.  I bet it took them less than a minute to track down and purchase this sticker family on amazon.com.  I bet they are so consumed with  having their noses stuck in electronics that they haven't sat down to dinner as a family in six months.

I bet they are so much cooler than you.

A Family in Cartoon World

I'm so sad to be the one to tell you that the sticker family trend has officially gone beyond real life and has penetrated cartoons, too.  It was bad enough that it went beyond America all the way to Switzerland, but now our fantasy worlds aren't even safe anymore.

My awesome uncle (who deserves a shout out for always sending me new material and contributing heavily to the photos in this blog) sent me this cartoon.  When I saw it, the only emotion I had was sadness.  Sad that these exist.  Sad that they are prevalent enough that Jim Davis drew one that showed up in the Sunday funnies.  Sad that Jon Arbuckle is a big enough nerd to put one on his car.  And really, really sad for Odie that Garfield peeled him off the window and kicked him right off the car. What a jerk.

Do you think the clan of Family Circus has one, too?!

A Family (Times Eleven) And Some Group Snark

Each of these eleven families annoys me in such a similar way that I decided to just post them together for group snark.  It's like group therapy, but for our benefit instead of theirs.

So, here are the best of the best (or the worst of the worst? or the best of the worst?) of people with way too many kids and/or pets.  Some families tell us each member's name, and some feel the need to clarify that yes, in fact, they really DID have that many kids.  Some of them are lined neatly in a row, while others are out of the usual order.

Since I'm not a parent, I can't say for certain what might motivate someone to have this many children or keep this many pets in one house.  Unless you own a farm and need free labor, it seems like a serious drain on your resources and sanity.  Especially the family above who has five children, yet has more cats than kids...that just seems like an ill-advised plan to me. It'd be an unending job of cleaning up others beings' poop for at least 15 straight years. Who would willingly do that? But I digress...

Enjoy these eleven photos of people with absolutely no free time or discretionary income, and be glad you're you and not them.

A Family And A New Trend

NEW TREND ALERT!

This was the first one I was able to catch, but these have started popping up all over my area.  Shadowy figures - hockey players in this case, but I have also seen baseball players and ballerinas - are beginning to mix in with traditional sticker families.

Terrible? Yes. Ugly?  Definitely. Infuriate me as much as sticker families?  Absolutely.

Are these really the future? My gut says no, mostly because you can't equip a shadowy figure with the same caliber of accessories as you can a traditional sticker person.  Mom's shopping bags would just look like blobs, and a child with an equestrian hobby would end up looking like a strange centaur silhouette.  We'll see where this goes, but I'm hoping it dies quickly. I can only handle one silly car fad at a time.

Also...I just want to point out that I was also able to catch a dude wearing pajamas and a trench coat in the background. Photo timing level: expert.

A Family Of Guns (And A Pep Talk)

When a friend of mine from Johnson City, Tennessee sent me the top picture, she said, "Only in Tennessee would you see a family of guns!"  I thought she was right until, in my very own neighborhood in suburban Columbus, Ohio, I stumbled upon this double whammy of guns and sticker family hatred.

Even though the bottom picture isn't an actual family, some company somewhere still convinced this person to purchase these stickers and put them on their car.  

We are losing this fight, people. Rear windshield stickers are taking over the world. Even those who supposedly hate these stickers are buying them and proudly displaying them. Is there hope yet? Only time will tell how long people will continue to make these questionable decisions. I promise you, there are better ways to let others know you have a spouse with a job, children with hobbies, and pets who have died.  Stay strong, friends. Together, we are bigger than this regrettable trend.

A Family And A Murderer

It's not exactly a sticker family; it's not exactly even stickers.  It looks like that white medical tape you use to wrap around popsicle sticks when you break your finger, cut into shapes.  If you look closely at the wheels and head on the bicyclist, it looks like a preschooler cut them out with blunt-tipped scissors. This person actually put a legitimate amount of work into looking like a psycho murderer.


Dear Minivan Owner,

So what you would like us to know is that you regularly take out bicyclists and handicapped people with your minivan?  You just run them over?  That's cool.  Yeah, it's totally normal to kill people with your giant car who happen to be riding smaller means of transportation or are disabled. Blatant advertisements of vehicular manslaughter are totally normal.

Also, we can all still see that the bottom one was a handicapped person, even though you clearly got your fill of murdering them after a mere three kills. Do you park in their parking spots, too, ya jerk?

Might I suggest a few rounds of intensive shock therapy or walking into oncoming traffic (perhaps a fleet of minivans?) to cure your hatred of bicycles, wheelchairs, and their owners/riders?

xo
Carrie

A Family Of Ninjas

If there were ever a sticker family to fear, this is the one.  Six ninjas?  I'm almost scared to make fun of them behind the anonymous cybersafety of my computer.  Almost.

I want to know what they are plotting.  Obviously it is something ultra-stealthy.  I mean look at those eyes.  There must be something really sketchy happening to the right of this family’s line of sight.  They are about to jump right off that windshield and mess some stuff up.  Take matters into their own little ninja hands.  Do some gymnastics trickery and maybe an assassination or four.  You know, standard ninja stuff.

If you want to show the world you're raising your kids to be sneaky little badasses, I guess ninja stickers would be the way to go.  Just drive this minivan slowly past the playground giving the bullies this furtive ninja look and I guarantee no one will take your kid's juice box.  Take that, world.

A Family And A Fu Manchu

When you have the time to sit here and look at it discerningly, of course you can tell where they are going with this…Dad works for AEP or the cable company or something, and he climbs telephone poles, messes with wires, etc.  But at a glance, or if you're quickly driving by this person, it could just as easily be seen as a Fu Manchu/goatee hybrid-sporting, spiky-haired male stripper sliding down a pole in a butt harness.  Am I right??!

And I know this is going to surprise you so go ahead and take a seat………..………Mom went shopping.

A Family And An Advertisement (Thrice)

If you have something you want to say to the world, what better way than on the back of your car?  It’s even better than buying a radio or TV ad that people can switch on and off willy nilly – it goes everywhere you go, and it’s like mandatory reading for anyone who happens to drive behind you. They can’t escape it.  So when you happen to be looking for a something (or someone), why waste your money on old-fashioned advertising?  Take a lesson from these folks and just use your rear windshield.

The first one appears to be looking for a new dad.  Two kids and one pet…doesn’t look like too much for a stepdad to take on.  Seems pretty standard in the scheme of today’s blended families.  The second one is seeking a new mom.  Three kids (who looks like they are either teenagers or about to be teenagers) and a dog…that is a lot more demanding than the first one.  Give me a toddler over a teenager any day of the week.  Yikes.

But that third one...if I'm not mistaken, that is an advertisement for an entire set of new parents.  And if that is the case, is the little girl driving?  Maybe she is steering and the dog is pushing the pedals?  Or do the parents hate their lives so much that they are taking applications for their own replacements?  Not sure how I really feel about any of those scenarios...

A Family...Or Are They?

I'll be honest.  I'm trying to come up with material, but I can't figure out the family dynamic here.

Two adult women and one adult man.  Are any of them married?  Maybe a little polygamy?  Or he has two girlfriends? Or one wife and a mistress? Or are they a brother and two sisters?

Who exactly is working in this family?  Who pays for the craft supplies and the fishing trips and the beach vacations?  Or the car? Or the stickers? Or the dogs?

And what in God's name is going on with the crafter's hair?  I feel like of these three people, she was probably most likely the purchaser of the stickers so she should have ended up with the best hair and accessories, right?

Hey family...If you are going to give us little taglines about things you like to do, you could throw us a bone and tell us what the deal is with your random adult sticker clan.

A Family And A Proud Girl Scout

I myself am a former Girl Scout, and I think there was a time when I may have even agreed with the sentiment that Girl Scouts Rock!  I went to Girl Scout Camp, I got merit badges, I sold cookies, etc.  And not the way today's Girl Scouts sell cookies, with their parents posting a Facebook status and getting like 400 orders in an hour while they sit around playing on a pink Nintendo DS. I was the little pigtailed kid who bundled up and walked door-to-door selling those delicious little boxes. Back in my day, we had to work for it!

So, before I get to the sticker family, here's a little story... One time when I was in middle school, someone from the local newspaper in my hometown wanted to do a story about different recipes that could be made using Girl Scout cookies, and they asked my mom and me to be a part of it.  I was a good kid and was pretty naive about the consequences this could have on me socially, so I agreed to help my mom with it. We gathered recipes, made some desserts, and dressed up for the article photos. Then when it was printed, my teachers hung the article up on bulletin boards and in classrooms around the school. In less than a day, both mine and my mom's eyes and teeth had been poked out with pushpins in the picture on every copy of the article, and everyone was mercilessly teasing me until I finally asked my teachers to take them down.  And that was the end of my days as a Girl Scout.

That said, there are a couple issues here:
-Mom and Dad, please stop staring at me with those I've-had-way-too-much-caffeine eyes.
-Save your kid from the teasing!  Not only do you have a sticker family on your van, but you put your daughter on there as a GIANT Girl Scout?? As soon as you drop her off for the school dance, it's over for her. Take it from me.  Save her the tears and just peel that thing off right now.
-Whose bat and ball is that?  Do they belong to your other daughter? Do you have an invisible son?
-You're breaking all kinds of rules by having only one member of your family be represented in color and with a discernible interest.  Get it together.

End Note: If you are one of the people I went to school with and remember that story I told, know that I forgive you.  You are a dick and I hope karma got you, but I forgive you.