A Family And A New Trend

NEW TREND ALERT!

This was the first one I was able to catch, but these have started popping up all over my area.  Shadowy figures - hockey players in this case, but I have also seen baseball players and ballerinas - are beginning to mix in with traditional sticker families.

Terrible? Yes. Ugly?  Definitely. Infuriate me as much as sticker families?  Absolutely.

Are these really the future? My gut says no, mostly because you can't equip a shadowy figure with the same caliber of accessories as you can a traditional sticker person.  Mom's shopping bags would just look like blobs, and a child with an equestrian hobby would end up looking like a strange centaur silhouette.  We'll see where this goes, but I'm hoping it dies quickly. I can only handle one silly car fad at a time.

Also...I just want to point out that I was also able to catch a dude wearing pajamas and a trench coat in the background. Photo timing level: expert.

A Family Of Guns (And A Pep Talk)

When a friend of mine from Johnson City, Tennessee sent me the top picture, she said, "Only in Tennessee would you see a family of guns!"  I thought she was right until, in my very own neighborhood in suburban Columbus, Ohio, I stumbled upon this double whammy of guns and sticker family hatred.

Even though the bottom picture isn't an actual family, some company somewhere still convinced this person to purchase these stickers and put them on their car.  

We are losing this fight, people. Rear windshield stickers are taking over the world. Even those who supposedly hate these stickers are buying them and proudly displaying them. Is there hope yet? Only time will tell how long people will continue to make these questionable decisions. I promise you, there are better ways to let others know you have a spouse with a job, children with hobbies, and pets who have died.  Stay strong, friends. Together, we are bigger than this regrettable trend.

A Family And A Murderer

It's not exactly a sticker family; it's not exactly even stickers.  It looks like that white medical tape you use to wrap around popsicle sticks when you break your finger, cut into shapes.  If you look closely at the wheels and head on the bicyclist, it looks like a preschooler cut them out with blunt-tipped scissors. This person actually put a legitimate amount of work into looking like a psycho murderer.


Dear Minivan Owner,

So what you would like us to know is that you regularly take out bicyclists and handicapped people with your minivan?  You just run them over?  That's cool.  Yeah, it's totally normal to kill people with your giant car who happen to be riding smaller means of transportation or are disabled. Blatant advertisements of vehicular manslaughter are totally normal.

Also, we can all still see that the bottom one was a handicapped person, even though you clearly got your fill of murdering them after a mere three kills. Do you park in their parking spots, too, ya jerk?

Might I suggest a few rounds of intensive shock therapy or walking into oncoming traffic (perhaps a fleet of minivans?) to cure your hatred of bicycles, wheelchairs, and their owners/riders?

xo
Carrie

A Family Of Ninjas

If there were ever a sticker family to fear, this is the one.  Six ninjas?  I'm almost scared to make fun of them behind the anonymous cybersafety of my computer.  Almost.

I want to know what they are plotting.  Obviously it is something ultra-stealthy.  I mean look at those eyes.  There must be something really sketchy happening to the right of this family’s line of sight.  They are about to jump right off that windshield and mess some stuff up.  Take matters into their own little ninja hands.  Do some gymnastics trickery and maybe an assassination or four.  You know, standard ninja stuff.

If you want to show the world you're raising your kids to be sneaky little badasses, I guess ninja stickers would be the way to go.  Just drive this minivan slowly past the playground giving the bullies this furtive ninja look and I guarantee no one will take your kid's juice box.  Take that, world.

A Family And A Fu Manchu

When you have the time to sit here and look at it discerningly, of course you can tell where they are going with this…Dad works for AEP or the cable company or something, and he climbs telephone poles, messes with wires, etc.  But at a glance, or if you're quickly driving by this person, it could just as easily be seen as a Fu Manchu/goatee hybrid-sporting, spiky-haired male stripper sliding down a pole in a butt harness.  Am I right??!

And I know this is going to surprise you so go ahead and take a seat………..………Mom went shopping.

A Family And An Advertisement (Thrice)

If you have something you want to say to the world, what better way than on the back of your car?  It’s even better than buying a radio or TV ad that people can switch on and off willy nilly – it goes everywhere you go, and it’s like mandatory reading for anyone who happens to drive behind you. They can’t escape it.  So when you happen to be looking for a something (or someone), why waste your money on old-fashioned advertising?  Take a lesson from these folks and just use your rear windshield.

The first one appears to be looking for a new dad.  Two kids and one pet…doesn’t look like too much for a stepdad to take on.  Seems pretty standard in the scheme of today’s blended families.  The second one is seeking a new mom.  Three kids (who looks like they are either teenagers or about to be teenagers) and a dog…that is a lot more demanding than the first one.  Give me a toddler over a teenager any day of the week.  Yikes.

But that third one...if I'm not mistaken, that is an advertisement for an entire set of new parents.  And if that is the case, is the little girl driving?  Maybe she is steering and the dog is pushing the pedals?  Or do the parents hate their lives so much that they are taking applications for their own replacements?  Not sure how I really feel about any of those scenarios...

A Family...Or Are They?

I'll be honest.  I'm trying to come up with material, but I can't figure out the family dynamic here.

Two adult women and one adult man.  Are any of them married?  Maybe a little polygamy?  Or he has two girlfriends? Or one wife and a mistress? Or are they a brother and two sisters?

Who exactly is working in this family?  Who pays for the craft supplies and the fishing trips and the beach vacations?  Or the car? Or the stickers? Or the dogs?

And what in God's name is going on with the crafter's hair?  I feel like of these three people, she was probably most likely the purchaser of the stickers so she should have ended up with the best hair and accessories, right?

Hey family...If you are going to give us little taglines about things you like to do, you could throw us a bone and tell us what the deal is with your random adult sticker clan.